The itch returns
As most modified (i.e. tattooed, pierced, branded, what-have-you) person will inevitably tell you, body modifications are addicting. I really hate being part of that stereotype because I’d like to think that it’s possible to get only one, possibly long sought-after, tattoo or piercing and be content forevermore. In my personal experience, however, this is not the case.
Previously have I been the proud owner of at least seven different piercings, including ear cartilage, my right nostril, tongue, navel and some others which weren’t quite as…visible. Following the lineage of my self-inflicted holes, you can almost see my courage grow and my tolerance of pain increase although some hurt terribly and some hardly pinched–the which-were-which may surprise you, or maybe not. I digress.
I have since retired almost all of the piercings for varying reasons, but I loved each of them and still terribly miss some of them. Each empowered me in it’s own unique way, and I proved to myself over and over that I could face the fear of pain and overcome it. Once a piercing was in place, it was always a long internal debate over removing it once the time came. In example, the tongue piercing was a complete pain in the ass, but I was so proud of myself for doing it (I was literally terrified of the thought of a needle passing through my tongue!) that it took weeks for me to finally accept that it just wasn’t right for me. Plus, it was becoming so grossly “main stream” among young females that my personal reasoning for the piercing was getting lost somewhere in the public stigma of it, and the assumption that I did it because it was the “cool” thing to do. Conversely, the nostril piercing felt so natural that when it fell out one night during my sleep, I cried when I realized the hole had grown over by the next morning.
My parents were none too happy about my foray into the world of the more temporary modifications, although for some odd reason my first (but hopefully not only) tattoo, or permanent modification, was happily accepted. I sometimes wonder if my open-mindedness towards “mods” in general didn’t open the door for my father, mother and sister to permanently alter their own skin under the tattoo needle with little, if any, hesitation, as currently they each boast at least one tattoo of their own.
Getting back to the title of this post… it’s been almost four years since my tattoo, and in that time I’ve retired piercings but have added no new mods. For awhile I felt I may have been satiated, or even that maybe I had “grown out of the phase.” After all, most jobs won’t allow them to be visible, and even today-as main-stream as it’s becoming society honestly doesn’t treat you quite the same if you have visible modifications as if you don’t. However, my itch is itching again. I’m starting to feel…boring. Plain. Something on the inside wants to be showcased on the outside. The way make-up makes a girl feel pretty, or even more substantially, the way painting a picture can make you feel like you created something beautiful; a piercing or tattoo released those emotions in me. A piercing can bring that extra element, that missing piece that helps me express my individuality. A months-long search for the art that tugs at something inside me, inked permanently upon my skin can bring that release that has built inside, waiting to be shown to the world. To me, it shows my true personality, more than clothes can, or make-up, or a hairstyle. When I look at it, it reminds me that I am confident of who I am on the inside and that I overcame the pain, and the fear associated with it, and that makes me proud.
I have some current ideas, although I will patiently pray about it before commiting to anything. I’m truthful and honest when I say that I have no idea what the Christian standpoint is on the matter of body modification but I will definitely do much research before making a final decision.