The evil within?
Monday, October 29th, 2007
You probably thought this was going to be a Halloween post, didn’t you? Well, unfortunately, it’s not. Read on anyway.
Here and there over the past year or so, and more frequently in the last few months, I’ve been having nightmares. Not to the point of waking and screaming, or ghosts and goblins or anything like that. It’s more of a…. spiritual attack. Usually there is some kind of “presence” in the dream that I try to stay away from. The “presence” is truly terrifying, although I can’t ever pinpoint exactly why I know that. When I am near it, my mind changes. I think awful thoughts, and I want to do awful things. I know, even in the depths of the dream, that it’s not ME who is thinking these things, but it’s completely out of my control. Usually, I spend the dream running from the police because I’ve murdered someone, and I sob uncontrollably when I realize that I’ve done it. I know I’m not capable of doing it; I have only done it because I was possessed by this presence.
Sometimes in the dream, I haven’t committed a crime. For example, last night’s dream about a painting. There was nothing “wrong” with the painting, but I knew this presence was in it. I tried and tried not to look at it, but eventually I did. These images started flowing through my brain, like ocean waves, building in intensity until I couldn’t take it. I would break visual contact somehow, pulling at something deep down inside me to do so. In another recent (and recurring) dream, the presence was at the bottom of a set of stairs. I couldn’t see anything, but I could feel it, like a very heavy blanket of anxiety and deceit. When I would get close to it, my head would fill with thoughts about God, how it is wrong to follow Him and how I really didn’t believe anyway. This internal struggle would begin, where I would try to shout out the truth, that I DO believe in God, and I would NEVER turn away from Him like that! I would become so terrified that God would hear these thoughts and turn away from me forever. Usually, thankfully, I wake up immediately.
Spiritual warfare is REAL. Am I experiencing it? Hmmm, that’s tough to say. On one hand, I think some of my true anxiety and guilt over my sins work their way in to my subconscious and overflow into these kinds of dreams. On the other, one could argue, Satan himself might be using my guilt to work against me. I have always had vivid dreams, so it’s not unusual for me to be tormented for days over a feeling I had in a dream. Again, on the other hand, this may be a convenient way for Satan to reach me with the least resistance.
I need to learn that I once I’ve repented of sin, it’s time to let it go! This unnecessary guilt is just leaving the door open. Then, I can spend my time in a positive and uplifting way, by reconnecting with God through prayer, studying His Word, and worship.
Photo Credit: Evil Soul by Al-Fassam. Some rights reserved.