A real woman
I attended a bible study this morning that I’ve been to a few times before. It’s about fifteen or so women that get together on Wednesday mornings and talk about the gospel and Jesus and how it all applies to our lives. It’s kind of an inconvenience for me, since I have to get up early instead of sleeping in like I usually do on Wednesdays, but by the time I leave there I feel happy and refreshed and really just… connected. Today, though, I was hesitant to go because some of my past mistakes have been coming back to bite me and remind me of who I used to be, and I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed and looking in the mirror at myself. I was afraid these women would see right through me and know that even though I’ve been wanting, and trying to, live the right way, I’m still messily stumbling along. If nothing else, though, I knew I needed to hear what Jesus had to say to me today so I got up and went.
I took a really, really good look at these women- my sisters in Christ, to be more in context with today’s study. These women vary in age from early twenties to probably mid-fifties. Some grew up Christian or in a religious home and some didn’t. Some of them might be married, might even be divorced, might never have been either. Each of them has a unique story, an orginial tale of how they became who they are today. As we sat around a cluster of tables pushed together and discussed today’s study, I looked around at them all and I realized that I respect and value these women more than any women I’ve ever met. They are beautiful and honest people who let the love of God shine from them, and that light spills over to bring me out of the shadows. In this group, I become a real woman, too. I see what it really means to be a woman, and what God wants us to be as women. I cried today because I realized that I have wasted so many of my years looking in all of the wrong places and doing all of the wrong things, only to find the answers to what it takes to be a REAL woman here in this room. I cried because I didn’t feel worthy today of being with these amazing, kind, beautiful women because I have been struggling to be the same way and have mostly just failed miserably. Mostly, though, I cried because they still accepted me, still considered me a part of them, and still told me that it’s OK, God LOVES me, God forgives me, and He will always consider me a real woman as long as I’m living for Him.
My heart has been in the right place lately, I know that now. With Jesus holding my hand, leading me through, I can be everything He wants me to be. With these women to lean on and support me, I WILL be that woman.